Through Joel's Lens- Mom and dad

Eleven Years of Marriage

It is actually strange that I took so long to write something here. It was as if I had the most dynamic thing in my hand and before I could solidify it in words it changed its shape.
Eleventh year has been as dramatic as the eleventh hour implies.

I was suddenly back to adolescence and he responded by being an alarmed parent. The underlining emotion I had was being a rebel and questioning every boundary that was set. It probably didn't matter what I was up against as long as I was up and against something. So I questioned everything..... And it included the colours I wore, the dress statements I made, what I wrote, who were my friends, what I could do with my time, what were my respnsibilities in home making. I took the family fabric and analyzed it without pity. I drove him to the limit...to find out what the limit was.

He was surprised , alarmed, tried to understand.....but couldn't fathom...

All he needed to do was ask mummy...I was a difficult adolescent...!!!

So in the eleventh year...we looked at US like never before....we churned every thought and feeling and painstakingly reached conclusions,we formed our life mission and vision,we decided we needed to pray every day...we realized we could be in absolute disagreement....and still couldn't sleep at night without each other....

As I like to put it....for ten years we learnt how to stick togeher....in the eleventh we detached each other a bit...and took a detailed look at the person we married...

My favourite conclusions and reflections resonate with Kahlil Gibran as he says


You were born together and together you shall be for evermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness.
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love;
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same mmusic.
Give your hearts but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

So 11 years strong we are here...ready to makea road map to our dreams!!

Retrospection

Its December 2007. Eleven years back around this time we were readying to tie the knot and to say in all hopefulness,"I do".

Looking back its rather strange that we chose each other. One could almost say that we are mutually exclusive. Put together we are everything that the universe ever felt. He is complete prose and I complete poetry. Over the years we have discovered that sometimes thus we talk different languages.

But most of the times we know we do not need to talk.

We have attempted and tried our best at changing the other...and have been quite successful.

My Contribution-

• He eats panipuris, chaat, bhelpuri and chole bature from outside( a complete hygiene freak)
• He can listen to music while he is at his studies.
• He learnt to argue loudly.
• He can wear a little flashy colours(still uncomfortable).
• He enrolled for MBA from Manchester University (spending on it was a huge decision)
• He takes risks, handles uncertainities and expects unpedictabilities.
• He can sleep 5 hrs a day and still be working(drastic reduction from 7.5).
• He has learnt to ignore tone, forget words and accept who is the boss.
• He has learnt to leave the controls and to empower us;his family.
• His English writing skills have improved.
• His Hindi has picked up.
• He knows what are the weak points of doctors...a bit too well.

His contribution-

• I learnt to use a PC.
• I started clicking photographs
• I learnt to drive a car.
• I realised that people like papa are still made.
• I started to think about money-from where does it come, where does it go...and how it could be used.(very reluctantly)
• I saw a completely genuine human being who beleived in thorough logic.
• I developed unshakable faith in him, us and marriage.
• I completely lost me and became dependent on him and the when he freed me learnt to empower myself independently. (on his constant nudging)

11 years of marriage . Our two beautiful children were gifted with a set of parents absolutely unlike the other.

One could feel Maths and the other could logically derive practical conclusions from poetry. One was predictable to the extent of boredom and the other terrifyingly unpredictable.

With me they learnt to sing, dance, fly ....

with him they learnt to sit, pray and sleep....

logic with imagination.....our marriage has been unconventional.....dotted with very deep discussions on love, family, women, beauty and existence.....

he is careful to invest on insurance...

and I am carefree to offer him cotton candies...

Together we are just great...I guess.....

and the best part of the day is sleeping in his arms.

Can we ever outgrow parents?

The Athiyunthan Family in Dubai

Happy Birthday

19th September 2007

This year was different in so many ways.

After three years we were actually together in this month. Parents were around. Both the children were expressive verbally of their affections. Gudia sang to glory and Joel played happy birthday on the keyboard.

I did not plan an elaborate gift. Every time I used to....and he accepted as that was the way it had to be. This time it was just a good luck charm...a laughing Budhdha.....and I felt he really liked it! Probably I had grown to the level to accept him as he was. The gift was to try stopping my efforts to change him into anything else other than him.

He was more touched to have his parents with him. Both he and the parents knew it could be the last affair of this kind with so much intimacy and love. Being the seventh child...and being the mature kinds from early childhood...he had missed out the pampering of parents.

For once he wanted to be pampered! And actually enjoyed all the spot light on him.

Yeah! this day is important for me....the day the universe decided to send someone who would LET ME BE !!

Happy Birthday!!

I wish , hope and pray....our togetherness will help us grow...into being more of ourselves....

You have shown by example the meaning of unconditional love....and I pray we retain it....

Happy Birthday chatten!!

A picture to frame